dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
