Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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