plz talk dirty to me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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