I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
