I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
