You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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