u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
