I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
