I met the friendliest cop last night
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
