have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When are your genitals available?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
