Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
