and you said cock pushups were impossible
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
