I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
