do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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