I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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