I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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