Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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