Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
