I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
