shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
