You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
