i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
