It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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