Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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