Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
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