ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I said "one day" and that day is not today
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
