Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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