bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
