All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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