omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
