And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
