I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
