I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The convent might be a nice break from real life
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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