If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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