The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
