Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
