Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
