Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
