her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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