Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
