eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My pussy is not your playground.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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