I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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