You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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