I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
