We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
