Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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