she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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