Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
