he wants to bone in the snuggie
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Randomize
