Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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