Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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